Emotional swings: how not to let yourself be manipulated
But this is only one side of the coin, quite harmless and even, rather, for good, because in love, as in war, all means are good. And there is also the second, the dark side, when a person is different to others, purposefully and deliberately lowering its significance in order to firmly bind to itself. Here there are own complexes, and the inability to build healthy, correct relationships - one way or another, the victim does not always realize in time that her self-esteem is destroyed thoroughly and that it will be very difficult to get out of this emotional pit.
This method of manipulation is therefore called that it resembles a rise, then a sharp drop in relations. Initially, a person has to himself in all available ways: he throws gifts and flowers, shrouds attention with attention, demonstrates the best spiritual qualities. And as soon as the victim "floated" from love and happiness, makes a sharp dash back.This can be manifested as you like - aggression against the waitress who has forgotten to bring soy sauce, a boorish statement towards the parents or a sharp remark addressed to you on some minor, insignificant occasion. As a result, the first bell rang, and although then everything goes according to the usual good script, strange thoughts do not let go: what was it?
A healthy person who knows how to analyze, according to the law of meanness, begins to look for a problem in himself and most often finds it immediately. After all, if before a loved one was so attentive and caring, but now he suddenly fell through, it means that you overlooked somewhere, did not surround you with attention and care, did not notice that he was feeling bad. In fact, the mechanism of manipulation has already been launched, it remains only to finally stake out the process in the system of relations, that is, from time to time such attacks are repeated. Such emotional swings can gradually instill in the partner self-doubt, feelings of guilt and, in general, destroy self-esteem, which makes him in the hands of another clay.
Criticism and comparison
Under the sauce of extreme concern for the beloved, another manipulation is presented, which is also intended to infuse inferiority complexes and bind.They didn’t live until, one day, you were suddenly asked to change hair color, and at the same time, your entire wardrobe, sign up for the gym and stop ordering desserts. Say, all these requests are solely well-meaning. Most often, over time, they become more and more, the form of presenting information changes, the comments addressed to you become more aggressive and even offensive, and as a result they take the ultimatum. If initially the manipulator does not feel repulse or disagreement, then sooner or later he will destroy the victim’s self-esteem in order to instill in her the confidence that she has not given up in this life to anyone except him. This is very convenient, because next to a broken and insecure person it is easy to sin and create whatever you want.
Alienation and removal
Another interesting manipulation that also shocks electroshock on self-esteem is a sharp removal at the moment, which is ideal for all family indicators. For example, joint plans for the summer are outlined, the question of the wedding is already in the process of stormy discussion, and often over a cup of tea you go over the names for common kids.And here - once, and it’s still snowing in the middle of August - his story is about how he’s really tired of everything lately. And this story will certainly be spiced up with vivid comments on a complex emotional background.
Suddenly, you will find out that this wedding is out of place and not in the subject, because the finances sing romances, and how to extinguish debts, you don’t think so - you just have to wear a white dress. And it’s still too early to get acquainted with their parents, especially considering that they are from different social strata. And the repair has already lifted him, and the paint is breaking the head every day ... And this speech opus ends with a bright and clear desire to dump, rest, take a time out and generally think about everything calmly. Naturally, such messages seriously frighten, especially when a second ago it seemed that life had already been adjusted. And because the victim makes any concessions, just to not lose the perfect picture of the world, which was “before.”
Anyway, any manipulations with certain goals are not a single case in a relationship. The mechanism, which at least once successfully worked: that is, the victim commanded, forgave, and ate the bait - will constantly run on a new circle, until some part flies out or breaks.And the only thing that can really save the manipulator from the cunning paws is adequate and healthy female self-esteem.
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