How to survive parting with your loved one
Man is initially a social being who cannot live without communication with his own kind. Therefore, our whole life is a series of meetings and farewells. And how you will relate to the inevitable depends on your relationships with people in the future.
At first, you see in the subject of your love only the best and most beautiful. But in each of our lives there comes a moment when we have to say goodbye. The reasons for this may be many. But the most inexplicable of them is the departure of a loved one. Many questions are cramped in my head, thoughts get confused and life becomes a gray tinge of longing.
Depending on how long the relationship was, the separation may be different.
The novel, which lasted several months to sever severely. But two still do not know all the advantages and disadvantages of their second half and therefore cannot reliably estimate the scale of the loss. It is difficult to lose the one you love, but during this period you have not yet recognized each other, but you have already managed to part. It says a lot.On your life path met the wrong person that you need.
Matrimonial relations that last more than 3 years. This is an already formed family, which has its own traditions and concepts about matrimony. The separation of such couples is difficult. I still have not had time to fade away passion and love, it seems that you can fix everything and "rewrite" family life anew. But this is a fallacy. If a person leaves, it means that he and you are uncomfortable today. By the way, it's very difficult to decide to leave the family. Especially the man. After all, no matter how rude it may sound, a person is a very lazy creature and you have to make up your mind to change the usual sofa, TV and kitchen to the unknown. So, he did not make his decision today. This is a carefully thought out and calculated action.
And finally, the most complex and tragic partings are inherent in those people who are married or in relationships for more than 10 years. These are established pairs, which, at times, think one thought for two. Here there is such a close relationship that each half really feels like a part of something whole. Breaking such strong bonds can be very difficult. And as the one from whom they leave, and the one who leaves.For the most part, these are marriages in which there are children. It is they who suffer the most from the break in parental relationships. If adults, even with difficulty, but can understand the action of the departing, it is impossible for the children to explain this.
The first and most important thing that you need to understand - do not fall into depression after parting with your loved one. This will only exacerbate the already incomprehensible situation. Try to overpower yourself and follow some advice from people who have been separated.
Parting with your loved one - tips
Chaos, happening in the head and soul at this time, just can not describe in words. Questions are crowded in line for answers. The most intrusive of them:
- For what?
"Why did this happen to me?"
The answers to all these questions are on the surface. You just do not fit each other and the reason is not only in any one of you. In parting, both partners are always to blame. And it happened with you because you just met on your way the wrong person who was to become your destiny. Do not focus on samoyedstve, do not blame yourself and do not indulge in bitter thoughts.
Spill out the accumulated negative one time, bitterly cry, close for a day in your room and pity yourself loved one. But only one day.Do not flirt and do not feel sorry for yourself for too long. Otherwise, you face depression, which will result in self-doubt and low self-esteem. Tell your grief to your mother or best friend, but in no case do not put the status of parting with your loved one in social networks. Nevertheless, this is a deeply intimate incident that should not please your “well-wishers”.
Have a good deal of it? Enough! Pull yourself together and start doing your daily activities. It will be very difficult to make yourself, but it really helps to disconnect from emotional stress.
Now you need to "put an end." Understand, the light of hope for the revival of a relationship that burns in your heart is better to crush at the very beginning. This does not mean that you will not give a second chance to your loved one. Man is a rational being who can make mistakes, so your passion can return to you only if you yourself want it. Just accept the fact that there is today and do not let the thought of praying your loved one to return. Do not stoop. If a person so decided, then this is his decision, which must be respected. Let him go if you really love him.Consider the moment of his departure "point" in the epic of your love story.
Never make plans that, supposedly, will help you to return your loved one. Moreover, make it a trick. A lie, sooner or later, will be revealed and will only get worse. Do not lose respect for yourself, do not “wallow” at your loved one's feet and do not pray for a return. Then you will be very ashamed of yourself in front of others and yourself.
If you decide to act, guided by common sense and reason, do not depart from the intended goal. Throw away obsessive thoughts like:
- Where I will find such (such);
- I will never be as good as it was;
- Who now needs my presence on this Earth;
- I will never love anyone again.
Rave! Do not aggravate the situation, sweep out of your head unnecessary thoughts, like old rubbish from the house. Correctly say that thoughts are material. It only hurts from them, and they will bring no benefit.
Our sufferings are 90% of our fantasies, which we experience again and again. Write down all your experiences on a piece of paper and bring 5 facts to each of them that this is true. It is doubtful that you can justify at least one of your obsessive ideas.
The advice of psychologists in how to survive the separation from your loved one and not fall into despair, is unequivocal - distract from unnecessary thoughts.
Force yourself to communicate with other people. Try to shift your attention to their problems and questions. Having separated yourself from the world, you will only corrode yourself even more and you will be left alone with your experiences. It is great if your job is related to communication with people. Even being angry with someone around you can distract from thoughts about yourself. Especially this moment will be convenient in order to once again feel the parent "wing". Have not been a long time in his home? Drop everything and go to mom and dad. Take a walk to their native places, go where you have not been since childhood. Talk to your parents, sit at the family table. Meet old friends, remember happy moments and stories from adolescence. This is really proven advice to listen to.
Try to feel different. Change your hairstyle, styling, make-up style, clothes or behavior. Any experiments on yourself in the period of parting with your loved one will necessarily be crowned with success.After all, the zeal with which a person is attached to making changes in his life in the period of mental disorder can produce results in the shortest possible time.
Nothing helps? Thoughts continue to torment day and night? Embark on a long journey. New people, new countries and nature, all this, as a balm for the soul will be poured on the wounded heart. Go for as much time as circumstances and means allow. The longer the better. Lying on the beach, go to restaurants and evening clubs, see the sights, give yourself to life-saving shopping. In general, do everything not to be alone with your thoughts. Most importantly, in this mess of events you can forget your difficulties, but there is also an opportunity to meet new relationships.
Do good deeds! Go to the Baby House and play with the children, visit the Nursing Home, help your grandmother to cross the road, or buy her bread at the store. By doing good deeds, we begin to respect ourselves and be proud of our ability to be a sensitive and necessary person. This greatly increases self-esteem and helps to distract from the oppressive feelings of uselessness and loneliness.No need to "rush to the embrasure" and with increased fanaticism to take on the overwhelming problems of strangers. Believe me, now you yourself need help.
This advice is more likely for those who have literary talent. Pour out your pain on paper in prose or write poems about parting with your loved one. Perhaps this experiment will radically change your life and help you become a successful writer. In addition, your life experience is invaluable for those who have a whole life ahead. This work will help someone not to break and not to mess things up in a difficult moment.
What actions can not be done when the beloved leaves
Do not push away your loved ones and those who really want to help you in this difficult situation. Take their help and do not close alone in your misfortune. By pushing everyone around, you will be left alone with your problems. And then it will be much more difficult to get out of depression. It is desirable, of course, to follow the advice described above, but you need to know what you can not do.
Never start a new relationship in spite of your former passion. Your emotional experiences will be noticeable to the new partner, and it hurts his feelings and feelings.Moreover, you are unlikely to be able to act and feel consciously in this situation. This novel will be doomed to another parting. Survive one misfortune or two, and even hurt someone who loves you - choose you.
Do not save in your heart the plans of revenge in relation to the one who threw you. Revenge is a weapon of the weak and the foolish. Be above that low feeling. Besides, how can you “hook” on the one to whom you are now indifferent? The result will be your additional suffering from the fact that you just put yourself to ridicule. Besides, seeing that you are not doing anything, the beloved will once again think about whether he made the right choice or not.
Take away all your joint photos and video albums. Do not tear, do not wash, and do not throw away, just hide and forget this place for a while. Do not torment yourself with memories of a happy time when you were near. These thoughts simply will not let you get distracted from your experiences, and you will again get away from reality into the world of illusions. Know that if you could feel happy in the past, then even greater happiness awaits you in the future.
And the most important thing! Try to keep yourself with dignity, even when fate puts you face to face. Do not pray for reciprocity. If he is not next to you, then so be it.
Children.These are those who are most hurt by the gap parents. They are the first to lose their foothold and understand that now it will never be the same as before. Let it be bad, even hard, but not like when the family was together. They are frightened by the future and now it is necessary to think not only about their mental equilibrium, but also to prevent their depressive state. If you are recently divorced and you have children in your arms, never manipulate their feelings. Never a man who left the family, will not return to it only for the sake of children. On the contrary, let us communicate with them. Let the "traitor" himself understand that he needs more in this life. In addition, the children will understand that nothing has changed for them. Nobody died and left their lives, everything remained in their places, only now you live separately.
The most terrible delusion - "and if ...". Do not flatter yourself! Back time can not be returned, and no matter how you did in the past, if a person has left, it means that he has long nurtured this plan.
Remember Esenina? I do not regret, I do not call, I do not cry, everything will go away, like smoke from white apple trees ...
That is how your sufferings will pass away and the memories of the feeling that your heart breaks today will be erased.
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