Husband - cad and tyrant: why women endure violence
The Internet is full of videos with drunken antics of Russian men, but one of them last weeksocial networks discussed particularly actively. The plot is familiar to many who traveled to the southern resorts on charter airplanes: a drunk tourist refused to stand in line, began to be rude to the passport control officer, ignored warnings from airport personnel, and then completely lost his temper and started fighting.
All anything, but along with the rowdy all this time was attended by his family - his wife and two small children. The behavior of the spouse is a plot for a separate drama: to begin with, she reacts perfectly normal to abusive husband insults to the employee of the airport and is accepted to be offended by his request “Calm down” only when she realizes that the vacation is about to break off. He also suffers his slaps and the evil “Shut up” to his side and against children (I must say, he was especially aggressive to his little daughter), later he shakes his rights and insists on registration, actually apologizing for the fact that her husband “got excited” then comes to save the spouse in the department.In words, everything looks much softer than it really is: from watching a video with a drunken tourist raging and insulting everyone in a row, the frost passes over the skin and there is one worrying question - why does the wife endure all this?
Patriarchal law: the man in the family is in charge, which means that he decides
Let's try to present the same situation in the company of friends: you, for example, two of you, and at the same time one got drunk at the airport and decided to make a scandal. You, most likely, will try to make an attempt to calm the friend, and in the case of frank lawlessness on his part, you will go on holiday in solitude and, perhaps, you will prefer not to overlap with this inadequate person. What makes the wife of the video? She tolerates a spouse’s attempt to get into the line, swallows the fountain of the three-story mat against everyone around and even without comments and resistance endures insults and kicks in her address, and tries to resist her husband only at the moment when it becomes clear that she won’t get to the beach already no one. She does not agree to fly without her husband and soon rushes to defend him, persuading them to listen to his apologies and still let them fly out.From the almost 15-minute video, it is clear that for this woman the husband is an authority, an unquestioning ruler, who is allowed to do anything, because then it can be explained with the phrase “I got excited”. It becomes even more terrible when you imagine how he can “get excited” at home, behind closed doors, if his wife or children suddenly do something against his will.
The record shows that his wife practically does not interfere with his violent actions in relation to her daughter, and the baby’s peacemaking impulses seem to herself and annoying. How do women go so far as to consider violence (physical (blows) and moral (insults) to be their norm) as their norm and completely submit to the aggressor?
Socialization of the victim
No matter how much the individual commentators of this video wish that this is only a special rare case of “women-fools”, they are not born victims of violence - they become in the process of education. And it is not only about the victim’s family, but about her whole environment - friends and teachers, books and films, games and advertising.
A girl is raised not just by a woman, but by a certain woman - a meek, obedient, caring, submissive and involved in a family so as to forget about herself
Gender does not simply determine whether she will wear skirts or pants, long hair or a Mohawk - he determines what role she will have in the scenario of building romantic relationships: passive and unquestioning, because her task will be to serve the family’s life and care for children. Some even call such a role “decorative”, which is seen in the video when the woman does not initially react to her husband’s rudeness, and in the final scene at the passport control window and clings to her husband, as if in search of protection. In this situation, even her young daughter feels stronger than herself: she tries to reassure her father, conduct a diplomatic conversation with him and somehow put an end to this monstrous circus.
My sins are your sins
At the climax and the final stage of the quarrel, the couple could not even be divided: even though the husband had a rage of squabbles no longer care about his wife, she is still ready, as they say, to fight with him in one system - well, even if they didn't get on the plane, but now you need to rescue him from the police station. Someone will say that she stands up for the breadwinner - in fact, if a woman does not even have cash in her hands, then it will be trite to get out of the airport (and this, by the way, is economic violence, which almost always goes side by side with physical and moral).But she, inter alia, stands up for her “soul mate”, and the fact that he is an alcoholic, a rowdy and an aggressor, she doesn’t even seem to care.
After all, she was taught that in a relationship you have to sacrifice, suffer and suffer, and such a nightmarish course of events, as in the video, she already seems to be something logical. She does not ask herself the question, how did she turn out to be in this farce, but takes everything with a rather cold expression on her face - well, yes, she got such a frame, and who is now easy, as they say? And it is also said that "a real man must build a wife, grow a stomach and plant a liver," and the hero of the video is in all this image corresponds. And someone even dares to suggest that he got drunk before the flight, saying that he “does not like”, “finished”, “exhausted his nerves”, “he doesn’t take care of the peasant”.
A man is a drunkard, if he is not a marginal, but a family breadwinner, generally a so-called reason for condemnation in our society, rather the hero of funny jokes. But the wife next to such a drunken rowdy forever acts as an apostle - protects, apologizes, takes on his problems, well, and if she can, then a little bit “re-educates”
Circle of violence
Now it is clear why in this clip, as in the proverb, the husband and wife are one Satan.The spouse is completely dependent, both morally and physically (and most likely, and economically), from the man and does not even see the possibility of separating his absurd acts from his own. She naturally "continues" him, as Eve wants to see everyone as the continuation of Adam and take this myth to be faithful. Look closely, she has no anger, no anger, not even an instinct for self-preservation. She is so depressed that she does not even show resistance when her husband beats his youngest daughter. She sees no way out except to merge with the aggressor again, and therefore she so desperately demands: “Let go of my husband,” from the police.
She is hardly looking for help to get out of this nightmarish union, and this help herself is hardly coming: parents can persuade to save the family for the sake of the children, and her friends - not to pay attention, because "well, who of the men is the angel?". Perhaps even the children suffering from beatings cannot make her wake up, and the circle of violence continues on them: the girl, who was mercilessly beating her dad and did not give her a word, will grow up with the realization that the only scenario for her relationship is where she is humiliated the victim, and the little son will memorize by heart that no one even said a word to the Pope for beating, and will repeat the behavior of an aggressive degenerate in his own personal life.So why does the spouse endure? Because they tolerated it, they tolerate it now and even call it “female destiny”. And they demonstrate to children who in a couple is macho, and who is eternal “suffered”, which is not a pity to beat.
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