Why give us stupid gifts: the psychologist explains
The main thing - show diplomacy. One of my friends Julia had such a story. Her friend, fond of running, had a birthday. And Julia decided to give her a memorable gift - she ordered fancy running sneakers. True, the birthday girl turned out to be not at all pleased with this, did not try it on, said that they would definitely be small (the size had been clarified before and was taken with a margin), and returned it back. As a result, Julia presented her with a gift from a series of attendants, but the sediment remained, and the desire to do something faded.
And here is another life story. Alena's mother gave a fox fur coat for her thirtieth birthday. The main argument - a disgraceful adult and business girl to walk in the down jacket. Only here is Alena for conscious consumption and against natural fur. Needless to say, she does not wear a fur coat and returned it to her mother, but she still cannot understand the obstinate act of her daughter.
The only way out is to make lists of desired gifts.However, as practice shows, not everyone is happy with the gifts they once dreamed of. Masha admits that she once told a spouse that she was dreaming about a bread maker and wanted to make bread herself on weekends. Already on the next holiday she received this miracle of technology as a gift. True, the gift seemed to her too utilitarian and not personalized, they say, there is no romance in it. But Irin the young man decided not to bathe: he found out what her favorite perfume was and gives them for all the holidays. Needless to say that in three years of relations she already has a mini-warehouse of fragrances?
Why don't they give us anything at all
After the holidays on the online forums there is a surge of topics about neglect by a spouse or loved ones. Here, for example, is the story of Christina: “I am on maternity leave, but I work from home, so there is some small money for pocket spending. In December, my husband and I had a wedding anniversary, on that very day we had a romantic dinner scheduled. I bought a gift for my husband - a sports fitness bracelet. But he didn’t give me anything, he said that he didn’t have time to go to the flower house on the way home ... And he warned us in advance of the New Year that we would be without gifts - the loan must be paid, and so we will spend money on the table and entertainment. ”But in these two situations the heroine wanted more attention and care than a material expression of love.
But this happens not only in family life. Overcrowded cafes on the eve of the holidays - it's an opportunity to look into the keyhole, or rather learn how others live. These are conversations, who will go where to celebrate (or go), what will they wear, what will they give and what should they be given (feel tonality?) - in general, this is all that is called festive turmoil. And it is so interesting to observe the reaction of people who are given gifts. Here is the story I saw. Three friends met, and one gave each of them a gift, the others did not, but with revival they looked at the gift, looked into the packages of each other and discussed what they received. I suppose the donor was just as uncomfortable as me, sitting at the next table.
There are frequent cases when a person comes on his birthday, but the gift "forgot". And so time after time. And from time to time he may come to a cafe without money, constantly “shoot” cigarettes. Such behavior has already managed to turn into a special philosophy (read, worldview), when people go through life easily and do not worry about anything.
Do these examples speak about people's attitudes towards us? He did not pay attention - that means, you do not think it necessary, you are not good ... - and everything in this spirit, that we can only imagine ourselves on this score. The answer is looking for a psychologist.
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